Deeper Into Sorrow

Sundays have been hard for me ever since I moved away, removed from my friends and community whom I love like brothers and sisters. I am grateful to be in frequent touch, but it just isn’t the same. I haven’t been able to attend a church without thinking of the people at Westside A Jesus Church, imagining them there coming to embrace me. I used to think the altitude was the reason I had such a hard time singing along in church, but now I know it’s simply a broken heart, and I can only sit and listen as the words are cast forth.

On Sunday, I felt almost too emotional about going to church. It reminded me of the years I spent in Newberg, Oregon church hopping, looking for a place to go, visiting one church after another, being that new awkward person cracking a few forced smiles. Why does it seem like churches are a majority of the time either unfriendly or over friendly to the point that it’s fake? It’s kind of sad, but my intent is not to bash churches; it’s just ironic to think about. Besides the point is,  that I deeply miss my friends 😦

“Here bring your wounded hearts, here tell your anguish; Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.”-Thomas Moore

When I was in church two Sundays ago, the pastor was speaking on sorrow, and it really spoke to how I felt. He emphasized how sorrow comes from having loved something genuinely and how feeling deep sorrow can allow us to go deeper in our relationship with God. I said ok, I am willing to embrace the sorrow to go deeper with you Lord!  Yet, wondering what is the purpose you have for me here?  What’s next?

A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes
And sunshine breaks through the clouds
I can cry out of sorrow and joy
Every drop of rain turns into a crystal in the sun
So wash my eyes, my clothes, my skin, my bones, my soul
My feet, my love
I’m not forgotten
I’m in your thoughts cause i feel sunshine in the rain
-Blindside “When I Remember”

One thought on “Deeper Into Sorrow

  1. My heart goes out to you Bryan. I want to tell you that what we have been through, for a very long time after, even if we have healed and especially if we are in the midst of our healing, we are forever changed. And for me, I found my emotions were intensified. It makes sense, that little attack in our brain that depletes our body of its normalcy, and makes us fight for it to return sooner then it often comes. Why wouldn’t we be more emotional, more contemplative of everything we know to be good and not so much. God is working on our hearts, and had to start with our brains. Because some of us are so connected to self, how could he not change our whole being?!. I hope you will feel the Father’s answers to all your questions and I pray patience for you as you wait on his timing. I love your sharing by the way!


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